Once a week, my guest blogger (who shall remain nameless...okay, not nameless...let's call her Ms. Sassy Pants. Sassy for short) stops by to share all the things in her life that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Anyhoo, her majesty is back and giving us some tips to surviving a trip to Bloomingdales—on a big sales day. Check out what she had to say and then come up with a few DELETE's of your own.
This weekend I decided to catch up on a few errands and participate in some retail therapy. The sun was shining, the streets were clear and the City was quiet. It was the beginning of a beautiful Sunday afternoon—or so I thought. In actuality, I'd stepped into my worst nightmare: a sale at Bloomingdales.
Watching women sift through garments on a sale rack is like watching starving rats fighting for the last piece of cheese. It's not to be entered into lightly, and in most instances should be considered a full-contact sport. But no worries, I was totally prepared. I had armed myself with not one, but TWO large coffees, sprinkled in some intolerance, a dash of PMS and a pepper of common sense; everything I needed to ward off a day full of DELETES.
While navigating a department store there are five unspoken rules that need to be followed. Any violation of these rules will result in being escorted from the premises. Well, not really, but you WILL get a big fat DELETE.
ONE: If someone is positioned in front of a sales rack, has gotten there first, and has begun to dig through it, you must wait at least 30 seconds to approach the same rack. Failure to adhere to this rule could cost you a limb or an eyeball (whichever you prefer). Do you really think you can get away with barging in? Go ahead and take your chances…DELETE!
TWO: Closely following rule number one, do NOT invade someone’s personal space while they are shopping. If ANY part of your body is touching me or I can smell your pits…DELETE!
THREE: This goes out to the “fragrance” girls: Do I look like I want a sample? Do I give off the aura of a filthy wench that needs just a little spritz of eau de whatever, to turn me into a lovely princess? Because that is going to solve all my worldly troubles…DELETE!
FOUR: Don’t bring your pet into the store...unless it’s your boyfriend or husband…DELETE!
FIVE: Overly-aggressive salespeople…be wary. They can sense a weak will like bees can sense fear. Unless I ask for help...you best steer clear! DELETE!
So, it's safe to say that Ms. Sassy Pants certainly wears the pants when it comes to strategic shopping. Arm yourself, have fun and at the first sign of trouble, all you have to do is DELETE! See you next week!