I have this friend of mine who's really very funny. Let's call her Mrs. Sassy Pants. As I was saying, she's a funny girl and although she can be incredibly patient most of the time (case in point: she's friends with me!), she also has a low tolerance for people wasting her time. So, we were sitting having coffee a few weeks ago and Mrs. Sassy Pants was telling me about a few things that happened at work that annoyed her and she mentioned that she has these rules and if people don't follow them—they get deleted. Yep. Duh-leet.
I thought the idea was both hilarious and intriguing, so I asked her to start writing a weekly guest blog about the situations that make her reach for the delete button. So, enjoy. And if you don't...you know the drill: DELETE!
I’m a big fan of the DELETE button. And in my opinion, it should be used more often. Bottom line: I hate people. Period. I just don’t understand asinine behavior and if you insist on being an idiot…just don’t do it in my presence. Because if you do, you got it—DELETE.
In an ironic twist, I’m in the people business, so I have to interact with them on a daily basis (and on a very personal level). Which in turn provides me with plenty of opportunities to hit DELETE. For instance, if your voicemail message is longer than 30 seconds…DELETE. I don’t need to know your life story, this isn’t an audition. I don’t care who you know, where you’ve been or why I should call you back. Just, for the love of God, tell me what you want and how to reach you. I’m not your therapist. Bottom line: if I can finish my lunch in the time it takes you to leave a message…DELETE.
Every week I'll provide a list of recent encounters that require a big fat DELETE. Here's my first batch.
*If you insist on leaving numerous messages (my favorite) after I’ve told you that it’s not going to be a match…DELETE!
*Couples full-on making out in the middle of the street. Ew. If I can see your tongue…DELETE!
*Really hot guys with hideous girlfriends. WTF?!?!…DELETE!
*Anyone who wears those sandals that look like your feet are in jail. You're not a Roman warrior, so don't dress like one…DELETE!
*People who stand in the middle of the subway turnstile and dig for their metro card, holding up the line when the train is pulling in the station…DELETE!
So go get your DELETE on! And if you don’t like what you read, too bad. You’ve been DELETED!
What would you delete? Leave your lists below!
5x5,
B.
2 comments:
How funny! I like her already!
People who smack their lips or chew with their mouth's open....people who don't brush their teeth and don't shower on a daily basis....and people who don't love my dogs....DELETE :)
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