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| all photos courtesy of Thomas Edwards |
Book Slayer: What do you think is the most common problem people encounter when it comes to dating?
Professional Wingman: A wise man said: “Our imaginations are limited by our experiences.” If you don’t have experience when it comes to dating then you won't really be sure what’s possible and you’ll be nervous to put yourself out there. Too many people assume the worst and they psyche themselves out.
If you shift your mindset and focus on just becoming a better person through new and different experiences (dating or not), it’ll allow you to make better decisions in the future while exuding a more confident position, which ultimately leads to greater dating success.
If you shift your mindset and focus on just becoming a better person through new and different experiences (dating or not), it’ll allow you to make better decisions in the future while exuding a more confident position, which ultimately leads to greater dating success.
Book Slayer: Did you ever think this would become your job?
Professional Wingman: Absolutely NOT. Ever since I was a kid, I’d always wanted to produce video games for a living. I mean, to me, that was the best job in the world—getting paid to play video games.
When I wasn’t having any luck finding an entry level position out of college, I started to look at other passions of mine. Self-development was one of those passions and it slowly led to where I am today. Two years ago, if you’d told me I’d be making a living helping people find love, I’d have laughed in your face.
Professional Wingman: Absolutely NOT. Ever since I was a kid, I’d always wanted to produce video games for a living. I mean, to me, that was the best job in the world—getting paid to play video games.
When I wasn’t having any luck finding an entry level position out of college, I started to look at other passions of mine. Self-development was one of those passions and it slowly led to where I am today. Two years ago, if you’d told me I’d be making a living helping people find love, I’d have laughed in your face.
Book Slayer: Any advice on places people can go to meet someone other than at a bar?
Professional Wingman: It’s been said that less than 5% of relationships start at a bar or club. So where do you go? Everywhere else! There are TONS of places you can go to meet people. Wine tastings, social sports clubs, cooking and dance classes, sporting events, the train, the bus, book stores, coffee shops, the grocery store, a concert, the park, the Apple store—literally anywhere.
If you shift your focus to allowing yourself to be open to meeting people at any moment, you’ll be very successful. It could be as simple as unplugging your ears and eyes from your phone or iPod and looking up (and smiling, of course) when you’re walking down the street.
One of the popular ways however, is through friends. One way you can create or find these opportunities is by going to or having your own house parties and inviting friends.
Professional Wingman: It’s been said that less than 5% of relationships start at a bar or club. So where do you go? Everywhere else! There are TONS of places you can go to meet people. Wine tastings, social sports clubs, cooking and dance classes, sporting events, the train, the bus, book stores, coffee shops, the grocery store, a concert, the park, the Apple store—literally anywhere.
If you shift your focus to allowing yourself to be open to meeting people at any moment, you’ll be very successful. It could be as simple as unplugging your ears and eyes from your phone or iPod and looking up (and smiling, of course) when you’re walking down the street.
One of the popular ways however, is through friends. One way you can create or find these opportunities is by going to or having your own house parties and inviting friends.
Book Slayer: What’s the most shocking pick-up line you’ve ever heard someone say? The most effective?
Professional Wingman: The most shocking line I’ve heard someone use was when a guy approached two girls and said, “Hey girls, I’m doing a survey on attractive women being approached by average guys.” The girls looked a little perplexed but were still game for what he was going to say next. From there though, he just asked silly and funny questions that made it clear he was making an excuse to talk to them. The girls laughed and obviously liked the line but after that, he didn’t know where to go, so the conversation died. I wouldn’t suggest using that one unless you know how to shift the conversation.
Professional Wingman: The most shocking line I’ve heard someone use was when a guy approached two girls and said, “Hey girls, I’m doing a survey on attractive women being approached by average guys.” The girls looked a little perplexed but were still game for what he was going to say next. From there though, he just asked silly and funny questions that made it clear he was making an excuse to talk to them. The girls laughed and obviously liked the line but after that, he didn’t know where to go, so the conversation died. I wouldn’t suggest using that one unless you know how to shift the conversation.
The most effective line isn’t really a line. It’s just a clear, simple and direct statement: “Hey, how’s it goin’? My name is [insert name here].” Women will respect your confidence in approaching them so boldly and if your body language doesn’t falter, she’ll reward you by having a conversation. Then, it’s up to you to prove you’re the real deal and build some attraction.
Book Slayer: What’s your most memorable success story?
Professional Wingman: About three months ago, a client called me, looking for help. His claim was that he was having too many one-night stands and wanted to find a more legitimate, long-term relationship. He was in college and under 20 so bars, clubs and his college campus were out of the question for him during the summer.
Over the phone, we strategized other places he could go during the day to meet girls and how to approach them. He started off very nervous about things but slowly started to improve. He was meeting girls at the gym, coffee shops, the mall and even online. He was progressing amazingly, considering most men dread trying to meet women during the day.
Professional Wingman: About three months ago, a client called me, looking for help. His claim was that he was having too many one-night stands and wanted to find a more legitimate, long-term relationship. He was in college and under 20 so bars, clubs and his college campus were out of the question for him during the summer.
Over the phone, we strategized other places he could go during the day to meet girls and how to approach them. He started off very nervous about things but slowly started to improve. He was meeting girls at the gym, coffee shops, the mall and even online. He was progressing amazingly, considering most men dread trying to meet women during the day.
Eventually, it was time for school and I knew things were going to be drastically different for him in a great way. Within a week, he’d met a girl at a BBQ and they ended up having a couple of dates. He wanted to sleep with her but wasn’t sure if it was the right move, “considering his past.” I told him to “do what felt right. If you really like this girl, you’ll make it work.”
So then, I got a text message from him at 2:30 in the morning saying, “Mission accomplished!” I told him to e-mail me the details in the morning and when I heard from him, I was shocked to find out that he had something to confess. He told me that he’d been a virgin the whole time, and the night before, he’d lost his virginity. When I asked him about the “one-night stands,” he said that he’d had many—but they were of the kissing variety. In the end, he said it felt like seeing The Matrix for the first time!
Book Slayer: That’s awesome! So, since you’re a professional wingman, does that mean you’re lucky in love, too?Professional Wingman: Indeed, I am! I have an amazing girlfriend with whom I’ll be celebrating our one-year anniversary with in a few weeks. The funny thing is, she’s also an online dating coach, and at the time, I was single by choice, so I definitely didn’t see her coming.
We’d been following each other on Twitter, because we were in the same industry, and one day she sent me a direct message wanting to meet up to talk collaboration. I happened to be on my way to NYC at the time, but I decided to go back to Boston a day early to meet with her. Best decision I’ve EVER made in my life. She’s an amazing woman and I’ve never been so happy.
Book Slayer: Awwww! Can you give us a few general dating tips for those who are still searching for love?
Professional Wingman: This may sound cliché, but love happens when you’re not looking. Why? Because your mind is focusing on everything else in your life, so when it comes to dating and relationships, your mindset is less pressured, which counter-intuitively, makes you more successful.
Having said that, you need to have some semblance of a plan. Dating doesn’t just happen, especially when you’re staying at home, catching up on TV shows off your DVR with your cat every night. Know what you want, find out where it is and go to the source. Go out with friends and try to create new friends. It’s important to have multiple social circles so you can have a variety of things to do, which will lead to meeting new people.
Professional Wingman: This may sound cliché, but love happens when you’re not looking. Why? Because your mind is focusing on everything else in your life, so when it comes to dating and relationships, your mindset is less pressured, which counter-intuitively, makes you more successful.
Having said that, you need to have some semblance of a plan. Dating doesn’t just happen, especially when you’re staying at home, catching up on TV shows off your DVR with your cat every night. Know what you want, find out where it is and go to the source. Go out with friends and try to create new friends. It’s important to have multiple social circles so you can have a variety of things to do, which will lead to meeting new people.
On top of all this, it’s important to push yourself out of your comfort zone and be willing to try things differently. If whatever you’ve been doing hasn’t been making you happy, it’s time to change things up. Different habits, create different results. You’re meant to find love. Truly believe that and you’ll get it!
5x5,
B.
5x5,
B.
2 comments:
WOW! That was a great interview. If I hadn't been married already for 30 wonderful years, I would take his advice. His advice really is for anybody, married or not. Good job on the interview.
Oh great interview! Even though you found your 'love' in your perfect Matt, lucky for the rest of us, there is still hope.
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