Sunday, February 13, 2011

DELETE--Who shot Cupid?

by Brittany Geragotelis

Once a week, my guest blogger (who shall remain nameless...okay, not nameless...let's call her Ms. Sassy Pants. Sassy for short) stops by to share all the things in her life that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Anyhoo, her majesty is back and this week she's got beef with good, ole Cupid. Check out what she had to say and then come up with a few DELETES of your own.
Ah Valentine's Day. The dreaded holiday of all singletons. Or as I like to call it: You're a Loser if You're Not in a Relationship Day. You just can't get away from it. It's a constant kick in the face; everywhere I turn, there it is. From my doorman asking me, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" to the numerous New York Times articles outlining how difficult it is for women to find love in the City. Apparently there are over 100,000 more single women in NYC than men. Why don't you just kill me now? Apparently, I'm going to have to move to Alaska to find a soulmate. For the love! So my ladies...I'm sure you know where this is going. Valentine's Day...DELETE!
Here are just a few of the cliche's that need to be DELETED around this bullshit holiday:
Boxes of chocolates. Really? The only people eating those chocolates are the single girls who are at home alone watching rom-coms and getting fatter by the minute...DELETE!
Getting flowers at the office. Any woman who displays flowers sent by admirers today should be stoned--publicly--and then have her pretty petals taken away. Period. DELETE!
Romantic candlelit dinners. I can't see the bleepin menu because of the dim lights. And by the way...a few open flames and a hot meal doesn't mean you're getting laid. DELETE!
Getting engaged. Oh wow, how original. Getting engaged on Valentine's Day. That's SOOOOO romantic. DELETE!
Gaggles of single bitches going out to celebrate being single. Oh please! You look desperate and pathetic. And we all know you're really going out to troll for men, so enough already. Go home and eat some chocolates. From a box. DELETE!
And on that note, I'm off to kick some cupid ass and break some arrows. Until next week...