Sunday, January 30, 2011

DELETE—What's Wrong with Public Transportation

by Brittany Geragotelis

Once a week, my guest blogger (who shall remain nameless...okay, not nameless...let's call her
Ms. Sassy Pants. Sassy for short) stops by to share all the things in her life that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Anyhoo, her majesty is back and this week, she's tackling public transportation. Check out what she had to say and then come up with a few DELETES of your own. of the benefits of living in NYC is taking public transportation. Especially when mother nature decides to drop a s#!t-ton of snow on the city like last week. But along with public transportation comes, well, the public...a.k.a. people. And you all know how I feel about people...all at once now kiddies: I hate them.

This week, I decided to dedicate my top-10 list of annoyances to the good old MTA and also to the denizens that partake...DELETE!

10. People who lean their bodies against the pole instead of holding onto them. Hey there missy, I'd like the opportunity to secure myself, in case the train has to stop short. So, step away from the pole and hold on like a dignified human being or sit your ass down, Princess. DELETE!

9. Anyone that eats on the train. I don't need to go home smelling like your last meal. DELETE!

8. Spitting on the floor of the train. Oh yeah, it happens. 'Nuff said. DELETE!

7. Mariachi bands on the train. I don't like them in Mexican restaurants, so I most certainly don't need to be held hostage and forced to listen to bad music on the way to my final destination. DELETE!

6. Anyone soliciting money...period. DELETE!

5. Loud and obnoxious drunk people. They generally travel in packs like gypsies. DELETE!

4. The guy who thinks there's just enough room for him to squeeze onto a packed train. Hey pal, I enjoy breathing. Newsflash, there's another train right behind this one. So, step off...DELETE!

3. Inappropriate touching of any kind. This is usually performed by the douchebag who squeezes into the train at the last minute and thinks the train is his own personal playground. If you value your family jewels sir, keep yours to yourself. DELETE!

2. And speaking of inappropriate touching, that includes touching yourself. The other day during my morning commute, there was a man sitting across from me with his T-shirt pulled over his head covering his face but exposing his oh-so-sloppy, hairy midriff. But his belly wasn't the only thing that was bulging. Yes, I said it, he also had his hand down his drawers. Not-so-good morning to you too, Mr. Pervy. DELETE!

1. Anyone who gives their children a noise-making device of any kind. Last Friday, on my way home from a horrific week, the woman sitting across from me gave each of her children a recorder. You remember the ones from grade school music class? Are you kidding me?!?! When she whipped them out of the case I thought they must've been plastic toys. Oh no, they weren't. So these little piggies blew, blew, blew all the way home. DELETE!

It just doesn't get any better than this folks! Hope your morning commute is better than mine!