Piranha 3D: Sink or Swim?

by Brittany Geragotelis

photos courtesy of Dimension

Matt and I went out to celebrate on Friday night and we decided to go see a movie after having dinner at Peters Gourmet Diner. It was my turn to choose the film (we take turns picking the movies we see), and I insisted on going to see Piranha 3D. Now why, exactly, did I want to see this flick? Well, I knew before we went that the movie itself was going to be stupid, but I was convinced that the 3D effects in the movie would make up for the bad dialogue and horrible storyline.

I was wrong.

Ever since I heard people say how great My Bloody Valentine was because of the 3D, I've wanted to see a horror flick this way. So, when I decided we were going to see Piranha, it was because I was expecting things to be flying at the audience: spears, piranhas, body parts. You know....everything that makes a horror film great. However, there was none of this in Piranha 3D.

Well, I guess there were some body parts flopping around the screen...In fact, I think a Girls Gone Wild video probably has less nudity in it than this movie did. I thought at least the acting would be okay though, since it was starring Jerry O'Connell, Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames and Jessica Szohr, but the actors never really had a chance. The writing was that bad. Still, I loved seeing Elisabeth on the screen again (I adored Adventures in Babysitting growing up) and I have a total girl crush on Jessica (I'm trying to get an interview with her for AC!). I've been a fan of Jerry O'Connell in the past (even loved him in Scream 2; an actual scary movie I might add), but in Piranha 3D, he plays a jerk who produces nudie spring break videos—a real sleezeball.

So, if you're thinking Piranha 3D is going to be one of those films that's so bad it's good, think again. It's just bad. But hey, if you DO decide to go, and are forced to sit through the whole thing, you'll at least get to see Jerry's man parts bitten off by the toothy little creatures of the sea. And apparently he wasn't all too happy with the size of the prosthetic.

5x5,
B.