Once a week, my guest blogger (who shall remain nameless...okay, not nameless...let's call her Ms. Sassy Pants. Sassy for short) stops by to share all the things in her life that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Anyhoo, her majesty is back and this week, she's trying to recover from her Thanksgiving travels. Check out what she had to say and then come up with a few DELETES of your own.
Good news! I survived Thanksgiving—but just barely. I could probably dedicate an entire year to travel etiquette but I'll try to condense my dismay to one brief blog.
So, off I went for a rendezvous with my loving family. We got to the train later than expected (my bad) so seats were sparse. I was traveling with a few friends, and we were searching for seats together and wahlah—God smiled down upon us and granted us four seats together. All was right in the world…or so we thought.
In the seat across from me was a 20-something who was practically unconscious from the night before. He reeked of booze and was blasting his headphones at a decibel that could legally be considered a noise violation. As we all tried to get situated, he “pretended” to be asleep so he wouldn’t have to scoot over. He’s lucky I didn’t plant a knee “accidentally” in his nut-sack. Oh excuse me…do those belong to you? You could have fooled me since you didn’t have the balls to act like a courteous human being…must be time for a big, fat…DUH-LETE!
Oh, and it gets better. After sleeping beauty awoke from his slumber, he reached into a giant paper bag and pulled out the first of what was probably many holiday spirits. I swear, he must have shaken it up before he cracked it open, because he was considerate enough to shower me with beer…not once, but twice for good measure. I guess he must have mistaken me for a vessel that needed to be christened on my maiden voyage to Connecticut.
Don’t try to take advantage of MY “holiday spirit,” pal. Just because it’s Thanksgiving doesn’t give you the right to behave like a douchebag (you can see how far I got with my positive affirmations from last week…ho hum…at least I tried). So here are a few things to be aware of while traveling for the holidays:
Anyone who's unconscious on public transportation…be wary…DELETE.
Baby strollers parked in the aisles or seats on public transportation…fold it up and put it in the luggage racks. We know you're stressed and have your hands full, but when that kid starts wailing, I need a clear exit strategy. So get your sh*t out of the way…DELETE.
When exiting a train, plane, taxi or bus with more than four “humans” (if that's what you want to consider yourself) in your party...don’t stand in the middle of the street, platform or exit ramp deciding the next plan of action. You’ve had hours of travel time to decide what to do and you should be moving like it’s Mission Impossible…DELETE.
Families holding hands like they're forming a riot barrier. Oh, wait. You are forming a riot barrier...and I'm unable to pass or get around you. DELETE.
People who stand right on top of you when waiting in line. If I can smell your last meal on your breath, you're too close. Step off, fool…DELETE.
Ahhhh…it’s great to be baaaacccckkkk!