Once a week, my guest blogger (who shall remain nameless...okay, not nameless...let's call her Ms. Sassy Pants. Sassy for short) stops by to share all the things in her life that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Anyhoo, her majesty is back and this week, she's delving even deeper into the mind (and behavior) of the opposite sex. Check out what she had to say and then come up with a few DELETES of your own.
In light of my dating debacles from last week, I started to give some serious consideration to douchebag behavior, and how it's become a running theme in my life. Is it me? I feel like a host to a viral infection. Lately it’s been like Night of the Living Douchebags around this joint.
I'd be doing a disservice to women everywhere if I didn’t share my experience and insight into spotting a douchebag...Hopefully you'll be able to save yourself before it's too late. So, line up those crosshairs and get ready to fire…DELETE to the douche.
Here are a few things to watch out for…and keep in mind that these are (sadly) all actual occurrences:
He sips his wine with his pinky finger extended…DELETE.
He just has to mention the clothing label he's wearing—like I care…DELETE.
He asks if you play tennis, because he's so highbrow and sophisticated…DELETE.
He asks how much money you make. Wait, isn't that supposed to be what I ask him? DELETE.
He uses big words to sound more intellectual…DELETE.
He uses you for a place to stay while he's in town to pick up chicks…DELETE.
He brags about what area of town he lives in as casual conversation…for example, why don’t you come over to my apartment in (insert area…most likely a well-regarded part of town, however, their apartment is really the size of a postage stamp)…DELETE.
He tells you about the other girls he's dating…DELETE.
He's already slept with one of your coworkers… DELETE.
He brags about certain periodicals that he reads…DELETE.
He doesn't follow up or follow through when he says he will. If you say you're going to call on Tuesday, then you should. Thursday doesn’t count, doucheballs…DELETE.
He wears fur…DELETE.
He has an entire wall of photos dedicated to just himself. Hello, Mr. Ego…party of one, your table's ready! DELETE.So, until I can get my life sorted out and stop attracting Mr. McDouchebags…I trust that you all will stand united and DELETE away. Just don’t, for the love of God, send them my way.