Monday, December 27, 2010

DELETE—New Years, Shmoo Years

by Brittany Geragotelis

Once a week, my guest blogger (who shall remain nameless...okay, not nameless...let's call her
Ms. Sassy Pants. Sassy for short) stops by to share all the things in her life that deserve a big, fat DELETE. Anyhoo, her majesty is back and this week, she's dying to DELETE all the drama surrounding New Years Eve. Check out what she had to say and then come up with a few DELETES of your own.

If there's anything I hate more than people, it's New Year’s Eve. Or more appropriately named, "Amateur Night." What could possibly be more fun than running around in zero-degree weather trying to get a cab to some “swanky” party filled with people…well, you know where this is going.

So, in ode to my least favorite holiday…here’s my list of 10 things that must be DELETED from NYE:

Party horns. I’m already another year older and closer to losing my hearing due to blasting my headphones on the subway so I don’t hear your stupid conversations…so I don’t need you blowing out what’s left of my eardrums with your stupid noise-makers. That’s not going to make me happy, happy. It’s just going to make me deaf, deaf…DELETE.
Party hats. They look stupid and they cut off the circulation in my face…DELETE.
Times Square. I would rather be stoned to death than venture to this part of Manhattan on this night. So totally overrated…DELETE.
Kissing at midnight. Whoever started this tradition needs to be shot. The last thing I need to witness at the turn of the New Year is some happy couple smoochy-smooching, solidifying the fact that I’m still single and alone. Kill me now—or preferably, them...DELETE.
Auld Lang Syne. one knows the words to this song…DELETE.
Drunk dudes. I may be single but I’m not desperate. Screaming “I love you for real” is not going to convince me to go home with you. Well, maybe...NOT. DELETE.
Cocktail dresses. Though the results are phenomenal, squeezing into sausage casing for the evening does not make for a good time. I’d rather be in my flannel pajamas, eating Indian food and watching a rom-com or a marathon of "Friends" episodes. And you wonder why I’m still single...DELETE.
Another year older. WTF! This madness needs to stop. Well, I guess that's what Botox is for...DELETE.
Staying up until midnight. I don't know about you, but I need my beauty sleep…DELETE.
So friend’s it’s been real. See you next year! And be sure to include your own DELETES in the comments below!


Lynn Tempesta said...

This is sooo funny. I added the link to it on my own blog post entitled, "New Years Schmoo Years". We may be off a letter, but in our own way, we're on the same page.

Brittany said...

Lynn, thanks so much for the shout-out on your blog ( for those of you who want to check it out; I highly recommend it!)! I, too, agree...maybe if everyone just kissed themselves at midnight, a lot of the drama surrounding the elusive holiday of New Years would vanish. Ah, in a perfect world. Thanks again for reading!